悄悄 是别离的笙箫 

沉默 是今晚的康桥

"...Neither of us bemoaned what I could not do; instead we always marveled at what I could do. My mother's favourite saying during moments of trauma had always been, "It could be worse!" And we both agreed, as bleak as my situation appeared on the surface, it could have been a lot worse... We were caught up in the process of recovery and every moment brought new hope and new possibilities...

...A lot of stroke survivors complain that they are no longer recovering. I often wonder if the real problem is that no one is paying attention to the little accomplishments that are being made. If the boundary between hat you can do and what you cannot do is not clearly defined, then you don't know what to try next. Recovery can be derailed by hopelessness."

- My Stoke of Insight

Angor Animi
n. the sense of being in the act of dying, differing from the fear of death or the desire for death.

"...Faith, a well-recognised source of solace, of strength to endure, can also give people the courage to recognise uncertainty, acknowledge not only their own fallibility but also their physicians', and thereby contribute to the search for solutions. Of course, individuals for whom faith is not a cornerstone can find the resilience to endure and sustain the presence of mind to search for information and parse the logic of their doctors...

...Does acknowledging uncertainty undermine a patient's sense of hope and confidence in his physician and the proposed therapy? Paradoxically, taking uncertainty into account can enhance a physician's therapeutic effectiveness, because it demonstrates his honesty, his willingness to be more engaged with his patients, his commitment to the reality of the situation rather than resorting to evasion, half-truth, and even lies. And it makes it easier for the doctor to change course if the first strategy fails, to keep trying. Uncertainty sometimes is essential for success."

- How Doctors Think

"Imagine watching a train go by. You are looking for one face in the window. Car after car passes. If you become distracted or inattentive, you risk missing the person. Or, if the train picks up too much speed, the faces begin to blur and you can't see the one you are seeking.

...It can become rote, and you stop observing closely. Then you have the endless number of kids who are cranky and have a fever, and it's almost always a virus or a strep throat. They can all blur. But then there is that one time it's meningitis. 

...A blessing, of course, that the kids are fine, but a curse because you can become lulled by the monotony of the mundane. 

..., and not to be lulled into complacency despite her expertise. 

...There were time when I was so spent, and yet still pulled in so many directions by patients in need and nurses demanding action, that all I wanted to do was deflect their requests. Subconsciously, I found myself minimising the severity of a symptom or assuming that an aberrant laboratory result was an artifact rather than a sign of a serious problem... The danger is to stop caring. The goal of each day and each night was simply to move everyone through, to clear the decks, rather than to deliberately and expertly care for those who needed care and reassure those who did not...

...But both McEvoy and Bigby emphasised to me that in the hurly-burly of primary care, a physician must not lose sight of the fact that what may seem mundane to the doctor can strike the patient as tragic."

"...Joe had his bearings about him. Joe knew when to fight and how to fight and when to quit fighting. He knew just how much of himself he could afford to pour into each case. 

...We went into medicine because we cared. But caring kept bringing us pain and frustration and anguish.

...we tried to let conventional wisdom shield us.

...And afterward we'd sit on the bench int he doctors' locker room, and take a deep breath and slowly let it out - but we couldn't exhale everything. We'd sit there, hands folded and heads bent, too lethargic to pull out of our bloody scrubs, too tired to go to bed, too dispirited to start that IV the nurses had called for two hours ago; our minds slowly going out of focus, slowly retreating from the horrors of the past few hours."

I had come so far. I had grown so much, but as I prepared to start my 2nd year, I found myself wondering the same thing.

"...We did the best we could, but for the 100th time I realised that doing the best we could wasn't enough. There was something in me that wanted results not just effort. Don't tell me how hard you tried, tell me whether or not you succeeded..."

"...but it can be a moral dilemma for a younger surgeon. If they do not take on difficult cases, how will they ever get any better? But what if they have a colleague who is more experienced?"

As long as you have life, you have hope and that no matter how bleak things might seem, there is always something that a person can succeed at.

Why do we always think our pain will be less if we can make others suffer more?

"...the central theme of existentialism: to live is to suffer, to survive is to find meaning in the suffering. If there is a purpose in life at all, there must be a purpose in suffering and in dying. But no man can tell another what this purpose is. Each must find out for himself, and must accept the responsibility that his answer prescribes. If he succeeds he will continue to grow in spite of all indignities."

- Man's Search for Meaning

All passsss

他是全天下最好的老公！

真的很讨厌长大。

人类真的是一种很奇怪的动物。
有些人拼了命的想要长大，有的人却拼了命的想逃避长大。

为什么这个世界不能够单纯一点，简单一点呢？

或许应该这么说，为什么人类总是那么的贪婪了？
为什么我，那么的好强有野心，可是智商和能力都撑不起那份好胜心？

有时候真的很讨厌这样的自己。
如果，我不是我，或许会更快乐些。
知足常乐，我什么时候才做得到呢？

坚强，就是擦干泪后微笑着面对以后的生活，抬起脚，勇敢地继续前行。

熬夜，是因为没有勇气结束这一天。

赖床，是因为没有勇气开始新的一天。 

一定有人在你悲伤时过得非常开心，一定有人在你散懒堕落时在拼命的努力，搞笑的是，那个过得比你开心的人，未必就遇到什么好事，可怕的是，那个比你优秀的人比你还努力。
到后来，这个世界一定有人在做你喜欢做的事，有人在过着你想过的生活。
关键是，从一开始你打算让自己做什么样的人。

《寂寞之光》

一枚硬币滚落在人来人往大街上

谁会发现

遗忘的故事就在自己脚旁

沉沉睡在捷运车厢

直到过了站

电影已散场 心还在飘荡

妇人满手玉兰花

轻扣每扇玻璃窗

谁会抬头 看一眼

那小心期盼的目光

追不到的高楼大厦

在暮色中泛黄

看板反射孤单的身影

摇摇又晃晃


我的日子 在等谁听见啊

我的哀愁 想跟谁说说啊

我的愤怒 只埋在心底吗

我的快乐 有人能分享吗

总是渴望 有狂舞的力量

总是渴望 能一觉到天亮

总是等待日出那道 寂寞之光


骑楼下的路边摊

默默熬着一锅汤

就像熬着

生活里说不出的酸甜苦辣

碎碎念的电台DJ

对什么人说话

有时候只是想在天空

开出一朵花


我们都在 喧哗里沉默过

我们都在 狂欢里失落过

我们都为 某个人努力过

我们都曾 软弱想放弃过

可是我们 还是走过来了

最后我们 一点点蜕变了

在生命中守护一道 寂寞之光


我的日子 在等谁听见啊

我的哀愁 想跟谁说说啊

我的愤怒 只埋在心底吗

我的快乐 有人能分享吗

总是渴望 有狂舞的力量

总是渴望 能一觉到天亮

总是等待日出以后

这世界还会有全新的模样

我们都在 喧哗里沉默过

我们都在 狂欢里失落过

我们都为 某个人努力过

我们都曾 软弱想放弃过

可是我们 还是走过来了

最后我们 一点点蜕变了

在生命中守护我们

热烈拥抱时的寂寞的光亮


我们都在 喧哗里沉默过

我们都在 狂欢里失落过

我们都为 某个人努力过

我们都曾 软弱想放弃过

可是我们 还是走过来了

最后我们 一点点蜕变了

在生命中守护一道 寂寞之光

当你的手 徘徊我指间
世界从此少了一幅孤单
当你说你这一生只是为了每天多爱我一点点
世界从此多了一张笑脸

有多少个昨天
是为了能围住今天的一个愿
有多少次迷路
是为了能停留在这一瞬间
因为有你 所以有今天

曾经有过的汗水
茫然时的泪水
今天已得到安慰
曾经无助的疲惫
今天已化成灰
让我们牵手去面对

我想当个快乐的女生。

感觉少了什么…… 

在忙碌的生活里，开始忘记自己最初的坚持和动力。

Clinical Placement Week 4

I administered one artic and one language assessment.

Goal accomplished! 

I am now a step closer to my goal of being a qualified SPath. 

K-E-Y-S
Keep
Embowering
Yourself
Successfully.

累，是态度，还是生活？

为什么似乎只有我一个人觉得很累很累呢…… 

为什么我那么无能呢…… 

从什么时候开始，我开始厌倦，还甚至有些讨厌这样的生活。

我几乎每天都在质疑自己当初的决定。

又或许，我其实只是害怕自己无法胜任那些工作？

都有吧。因为表现不佳，缺乏信心，开始担心害怕，然后质疑自己的能力，等等。

生活，就是折腾。

为什么有些人可以活得那么逍遥自己，那么无忧无虑呢？

事到如今，我除了坚持，除了勇往直前，好像没有别的路走了。

能坚强的面对挫折，平静的勇往直前。

关关难过也能关关过。

生活中的小惊喜，让我感到无比幸福。

谢谢你的爱心咖啡！

心，要像一棵树一样，既能接收阳光，也能抵抗风雨。

- 冒牌生

明天第二个学期就开始了。

希望一切顺顺利利，开开心心，美梦成真！！！

我现在最应该做的就是静下心来念书。

As I pored over medical books and surgeons' autobiographies, the more I feel and realised how we humans take simple abilities, such as walking, talking, and swallowing, for granted. And only people who have experienced those simple tasks as Herculean tasks, would truly understand how wonderful and blissful it is to be able to perform and participate in those activities. 

      "To THINK BIG and to use our talents doesn't mean we won't have difficulties along the way. We will - we all do. How do we view those problems determines how we end up. If we choose to see the obstacles in our path as barriers, we stop trying.
      However, if we choose to see the obstacles as hurdles, we can leap over them. Successful people don't have fewer problems. They have determined that nothing will stop them from going forward.
      Whatever direction we choose, if we can realise that every hurdle we jump strengthens and prepares us for the next one, we're already on the way to success."

- Gifted Hands, Ben Carson

《杉杉来了》大结局了！！！

哎，虽然结局是好的，但是电视剧没有拍小说的番外，遗憾阿~~

不过，很高兴在剧中能看到杉杉的成长，能和大Boss成为真正的情侣，而不是‘小跟班’。

祝，腹黑大Boss和我们萌呆的大胖杉，永远幸福快乐！！

下饭夫妇，Hwaiting！！！

另外，希望拍成电视剧的《何以笙箫默》不会让大家失望。小说本身就有点虐心，电视剧可别这样阿！！

期待唐嫣饰演的赵默笙~

      "At a neurological level, Sign is a language and is treated as such by the brain, even though it is visual rather than auditory, and spatially rather than sequentially organised. And as a language, it is processed by the left hemisphere of the brain, which is biologically specialised for just this function.

      The fact that Sign is based here in the left hemisphere despite its spatial organisation, suggests that there is a representation of 'linguistic' space in the brain completely different from that of ordinary, 'topographic' space. Bellugi provides a remarkable and startling confirmation of this."

- Seeing Voices

      "Profound childhood deafness is more than a medical diagnosis; it is a cultural phenomenon in which social, emotional, linguistic, and intellectual patterns ad problems are inextricably bound together."

- Sound and Sign

      "Now, when I meet a new patient, listen to his history, perform a physical examination, review his laboratory tests, and study his X rays, I am doing more than gathering and analysing clinical data. I am searching for hope. Hope, I have come to believe, is as vital to our lives as the very oxygen that we breathe. 

      For many people who cannot see hope, their vision is blurred because they believe they are unable to exert any level of control over their circumstances. When I encounter such patients, I try to discover why they feel so completely at the mercy of the forces around them. Helping them find hope harks back to the two elements of the emotion that Richard Davidson discussed: a cognitive, or "informational" one, and an affective, or "feeling" one.

      I learned that it takes much more than mere words to communicate information and to alter affect. 

      While it is a convenient construct to divide hope into a cognitive and an affective component, the two are tightly coupled. Feelings and emotions mold logical thinking and deliberate decision making. True hope, then, is not initiated and sustained by completely erasing the emotions, like fear and anxiety, that are often its greatest obstacles. An equilibrium needs to be established, integrating the genuine threats and dangers that exist into the proposed strategies to subsume them. Yes, unbridled fear can shatter a fragile sense of hope. But false hope is an insubstantial foundation upon which to stand and weather the vicissitudes of difficult circumstances. It is only true hope that carries its companions, courage and resilience, through. False hope causes them to ultimately fall by the wayside as reality intervenes and overpowers illusion. 

- Lessons Learned

      "Hope as an emotion [is] made up of two parts: a cognitive part and an affective part. When we hope for something, we employ, to some degree, our cognition, marshaling information and data relevant to a desired future event. If you are suffering with a serious illness and you hope for improvement, even for a cure, you have to generate a different vision of your condition in your mind. That picture is painted in part by assimilating information about the disease and its potential treatments. But hope also involves 'affective forecasting' -- that is, the comforting, energising, elevating feeling that you experience when you project in your mind a positive future. This requires the brain to generate a different affective, or feeling, state than the one you are currently in.

      When Jim Rainville painted a picture of a very different future for me, my feeling of hope encompassed more than information about a differing diagnosis and a new therapeutic approach -- it involved a unique feeling state that was intensely visceral, sensed as a sharp upward shift in mood.

      The two components, cognition and feeling, are not separate int he brain but interweave and modify each other. 

      When I read about S.M., I thought about true hope versus false hope. False hope does not recognise the risks and dangers that true hope does. False hope can lead to intemperate choices and flawed decision making. True hope takes into account the real threats that exist and seeks to navigate the best path around them. 

      Hope, does not cast a veil over perception and thought. In this way, it is different from blind optimism: It brings reality into sharp focus. In the setting of illness, hope helps us weigh highly charged and often frightening information about the malady and its therapies. Hope incorporates fear into the process of rational deliberation and tempers it so we can think and choose without panic. On the other hand, unbridled fear overwhelms initial hope like a tidal wave, blocking the cognitive intake of information and washing away other feelings. Dan Conrad exemplified this attribute. 

      Hope, then, is the ballast that keeps us steady, that recognises where along the path are the dangers and pitfalls that can throw us off; hope tempers fear so we can recognise dangers and then bypass or endure them. 

      One of the most intriguing questions is how we turn off negative emotions, and why some people seem more able to dampen fear by summoning courage, or to overcome despair by holding on to love.

      Davidson pointed out that another element in summoning and sustaining hope is memory. Hope integrates information and feelings derived from present circumstances, it also draws on experiences of the past, seeking models and directions from other individuals who endured and transcended harrowing situations and overcame seemingly long odds. 

      But there are many others whose lives are deeply changed by a crushing event, people who suffer the loss of a loved one or failure in their career, or debility from an accident or illness. And yet they go on and rebuild their lives To do so, must involve reclaiming hope.

      Experimentally, Davidson approach this by studying resilience. He defines "resilience" as the maintenance of high levels of positive feelings and well-being in the face of significant adversity. It is not that resilient individuals never experience or demonstrate negative feelings; rather, the negative feelings do not persist. He is studying cohorts of elderly Wisconsin residents to identify the roots of resilience."

- Deconstructing Hope

      "Pain was the hurdle that prevented these patients from working to strengthen their muscles and ligaments. Once that hurdle could be overcome by the power of the mind, then the necessary rehabilitation could proceed. Without hope, nothing could begin; hope offered a real chance to reach a better end. Hope helps us overcome hurdles that we otherwise could not scale, and it moves us forward to a place where healing can occur.

      The escalating pain and sense of suffocation from his strangling lymphoma flooded his brain with the kind of visceral input that solidified his hopelessness. This further reinforced the assumption that his outcome would be no different from that of his suffering friend.

      This is a vicious cycle. When we feel pain from our physical debility, that pain amplifies our sense of hopelessness; the less hopeful we feel, the fewer endorphines and enkephalins and the more CCK we release. The more pain we experience due to these neurochemicals, the less able we are to feel hope.

      To break this cycle is key. It can be broken by the first spark of hope: Hope sets off a chain reaction. Hope tempers pain, and as we sense less pain, that feeling of hope expands, which further reduces pain. As pain subsides, a significant obstacle to enduring a harsh but necessary therapy is removed. 

      The body-mind connection should be thought not only in extreme cases, where a patient is literally suffocating, but in instances where symptoms may be routine and not life-threatening. Among these non-life-threatening but significant symptoms is fatigue.

      People with a variety of maladies ranging from cancer to neurological disorders to circulatory diseases complain of unremitting fatigue. For decades I would simply acknowledge the expected when my patients told me how exhausted they were. Now I look for ways to alleviate some of the fatigue, because even small reductions in that symptom can have a major impact on a patient's sense of hope. 

      Kindling and sustaining hope depend not only on images that may be conjured in the mind but also on how those images are brought into focus or blurred by the ongoing input of nerves from organs and tissues to the brain."

- The Biology of Hope

    
  "There was a perverse comfort in inertia. As a physician, I had learned the need for hope. Yet I had completely abandoned it. Despite education and knowledge and experience, when you are the patient -- suffering, confused, and despairing -- it is very, very hard to take matters into your own hands. I was not able to stand alone and challenge the prevailing assumptions. I needed an external voice, strong and determined, to guide me...

      As the days passed.... I pictured resuming activities so long gone. I imagined myself stronger, able to walk comfortably, to lift, to travel, to play sports. The power of the possibility became too much to resist.

      How I could ever risk such maneuvers? The thought of it terrified me. But deep down flickered the desire to fight. 

      When the pain and exhaustion from the maneuvers were at their worst, when doubt raised its strident voice and said Rainville's talk was bullshit, I summoned a dreamy vision of the future... Each fantasy released a current of warm, soft energy that suffused my body. My exhausted muscles and taut ligaments seemed deeply nourished in its wake. My spine, in its cacophony of pain, became distinctly quieter. These physical perceptions made me feel foolish and perplexed but curiously intrigued.

      Over three months or so, the constant pain became intermittent, then rare... 

      I realised that the surgeon had said to me what I had so ineptly said at times in my career to others: that there was no hope. Medicine is too uncertain a science, biology too variable, to have that kind of hubris...

      Advancing to each new level caused days of spasm and pain, but I tried to ignore it all, repeating Rainville's mantra, that my body was relinquishing an old form of memory and acquiring a new narrative...

      But I also told myself that I could live happily within my new boundaries. I had gained, above all, the sense that I had some level of control over my choices.

      After my recovery, I though about what I had learned from my experience. I tried to see how it could give me a more profound understanding of my patients and how to help them. There were obvious differences between my situation and theirs. I was not afflicted with a potentially terminal disease and did not have to contemplate the possibility of impending death. Nonetheless, there were important similarities. My patients often must pass through painful and debilitating therapies for any chance of achieving a remission. And the hardest part can be taking the very first step. Fear is often the most significant hurdle--fear of pointless pain and suffering. For my patients, as for me, it was hope that inspired the courage to overcome fear, and solidified resilience during an arduous treatment. 

      I was most intrigued by the sense that I may have felt physical changes caused by hope. But i distrusted my impression. Scientists view personal anecdotes and impressions warily, and rightly so."

- The Anatomy of Hope

      "We all seek models of hope and despair, and our sense of hope or despair is reinforced by direct contact with someone who has either prevailed or perished. But more important, to help a person find hope, you need to know him in real depth. Within his past are the clues to this puzzle."

      "Hope, then, is constructed not just from rational deliberation, from the conscious weighing of information; it arises as an amalgam of thought and feeling, the feelings created in part by neural input form the organs and tissues."

      "Hope can be imagined as a domino effect, a chain reaction, each increment making the next increase more feasible. The familiar poetic phrase "hope flowers" captures this catalytic process. And the growth of hope is not strictly linear, always expanding. There are moments of fear an doubt that can deflate it."

- The Anatomy of Hope

      "His was a libertarian mind-set, one that placed the individual squarely as the ultimate arbiter of his fate. It represented a certain form of hope--the hope to be strong enough not to yield, to have the determination and the fortitude to fight, despite knowing that there was little chance of survival. The mustering of the will to engage the foe and the strength to sustain the battle, in themselves, became  form of victory."

      "To hope under the most extreme circumstances is an act of defiance that permits a person to live his life on his own terms. It is part of the human spirit to endure and give a miracle a chance to happen."

- The Anatomy of Hope

      "Hope is one of our central emotions, but we are often at a loss when asked to define it. Many of us confuse hope with optimism, a prevailing attitude that 'things turn our for the best.' But hope differs from optimism. Hope does not arise from being told to 'think positively,' or from hearing an overly rosy forecast. Hope, unlike optimism, is rooted in unalloyed reality...

      Hope is the elevating feeling we experience when we see--in the mind's eye--a path to a better future. Hope acknowledges the significant obstacles and deep pitfalls along that path. True hope has no room for delusion.

      Clear-eyed, hope gives us the courage to confront our circumstances and the capacity to surmount them."

- The Anatomy of Hope

"We paid far too much attention to the defects of our patients, and far too little to what was intact or preserved. To use another piece of jargon, we were far too concerned with 'defectology', and far too little with 'narratology', the neglected and needed science of the concrete."

"What we see, fundamentally, is the power of music to organise - and to do this efficaciously when abstract or schematic forms of organisations fail. Indeed, it is especially dramatic, as one would expect precisely when no other form or organisation will work. Thus music, or any other form of narrative, is essential when working with the retarded or apraxic - schooling or therapy for them must be centred on music or something equivalent. And in drama there is still more - there is the power of role to give organisation, to confer, while it lasts, an entire personality. The capacity to perform, to play, ti be, seems to be a 'given' in human life,  in a way which has nothing to do with intellectual differences. One sees this with infants, one sees it with the senile..."

- The Man who Mistook his Wife for a Hat

"The super-Touretter, then, is compelled to fight, as no one else is, simply to survive--to become an individual, and survive as one, in face of constant impulse. He may b faced, from earliest childhood, with extraordinary barriers to individuation, to becoming a real person. The miracle is that, in most cases, he succeeds--for the powers of survival, of the will to survive, and to survive as a unique inalienable individual, are, absolutely, the strongest in our being: stronger than any impulses, stronger than disease. Health, health militant, is usually the victor."

 - The Man who Mistook his Wife for a Hat

华丽中的悲伤就像我们的青春一样，虽然注定凋零，

只要它曾经绽放得灿烂过这就足够了。

      "We have, each of us, a life-story, an inner narrative--whose continuity, whose sense, is our lives. It might be said that each of us constructs and lives, a 'narrative', and that this narrative is us, our identities.

      If we wish to know a man, we ask 'what is his story--his real, inmost story?'--for each of us is a biography, a story. Each of us is a singular narrative, which is constructed, continually, unconsciously, by, through, and in us--through our perceptions, our feelings, our thoughts, our actions; and, not least, our discourse, our spoken narrations. Biologically, physiologically, we are not so different from each other; historically, as narratives--we are each of us unique. 

      To be ourselves we must have ourselves--possess, if need be re-possess, our life-stories. We must 'recollect' ourselves, recollect the inner drama, the narrative, of ourselves. A man needs such a narrative, a continuous inner narrative, to maintain his identity, his self."

- The Man who Mistook his Wife for a Hat

我怎么觉得有点难过呢？

Building tenacity. 

ALL PASS!!!!

还有比这个更值得高兴的事情吗？

感谢神，感谢你，感谢所有陪我一起努力、帮助过我的人。

我尤其要感谢他。
那个，不管白天黑夜，不管多么累，不管多么忙，
都会无怨无悔地、不求回报的帮助我、支持我、鼓励我。

你是我白天里的太阳。
你是我黑夜里的星星月亮。
你是我雨过天晴后的彩虹。

成功的荣誉是自己的，但是成功绝对不是属于我一个人的。

它属于所有在这个过程中向我伸出援手的人。

你们，就是我成功的元素。

谢谢你们！

我很感恩。

OH~ MY~ GODDDDD~~~~

I PASSED MY PHONETICS!!!!

OMG OMG OMG!!!! 

I can finally sleep in peace now ^_^

"Is that what it would take for me to go on? A blind belief that there was nothing I could have done better, that no one could have achieved a better result than I did on that day?"

"My depression did not relent. In my spare time, I returned to the places of my premedicine days - the tennis courts in the park, the undergraduate library, even the grounds surrounding my high school - in hopes that soaking up the ambience of the past would restore me to the person I once was, to the boy who only worried when his forehand sailed long, for whom an overdue book report was the most pressing problem in the world. But I wasn't that boy anymore. I was no longer the bright studying capable of anything, the slacker who harvested A's with ease and had the world by the ass... If i bailed out now - changed residencies, went to law school, got an M.B.A - I risked ending up like William the Registrar, flitting from job to job until I retired, without ever accomplishing anything. Worse, I had no guarantee of being happier or more competent in those fields. 
No more second chances. I decided that my random walk through life must end in neurosurgery."

"There will always be people better than you and worse than you. If you worry about not being as good as someone else, why don't you just give up every case right now? Just set up a phone hot line and sit in an office and match people with the very best surgeons in the whole universe. No point in cursing humanity with your own sorry skills, is there? Quite feeling sorry for yourself and do the best you can with those who ask for your help."

"Caring makes the hands shake, but it also makes us dread disaster and work with every fibre of our being to avoid it. Pain, emotional or physical, is the taskmaster of the animal kingdom."

"I had indeed done my best, my best just wasn't good enough. I accepted the nightmare of the past and awaited the nightmares of the future."

"Get up. Shower. Make the coffee. Our lives cycle like planets trapped in their orbits. Each day brings minor variations which cause our individual orbits to wobble a bit - the car breaks down, the school bus is late - but the grand pattern rarely changes. The sun rises and sets. We get up, go to work, retire to bed. The ponderous wheel of life turns inexorably down the road to our uncertain futures.
For some people the stability of life is drudgery. For them, the daily routine carves an intolerable rut, the fixed patterns growing predictable, boring... I have seen too many patients whose ordinary lives detonated in an instant because of the unexpected: auto accidents, brain haemorrhages, heart attacks. People who awakened to face just one more boring day, and instead found the wheels of their lives careening into the darkness."

"Like epinephrine, steroids are miracle drugs with a price. They give you the result you want now, exacting their pound of flesh later.“

- When the Air Hits your Brain

I guess once you have actually experienced death, nothing will ever be the same again.

This life changing experience would alter your meaning of life. 

You will see the world differently, appreciate everything more, and you can never waste a single day again. 

生日快乐！又老一岁啦~~

我老公让我好开心，好幸福。

我爱你。

终于考完试了。

考试的最后一天，我必须六点起床，因为八点要到学校。

现在是冬天，早上非常非常的冷，可能只有几度。

他居然隔天晚上调好闹钟，五点半起床帮我开暖气，好让我能舒舒服服起床。

朋友们都说我好幸福哦，这样的男生似乎只有在小说里才会看到。

真的，好幸福。

还剩一门考试…… 

加油加油~~

累累累累累~~~~

还有四天！！
加油加油加油！！！

P.S. 《何以笙箫默》 和  《长大》 要拍成电视剧了！！！！！哦，还有《杉杉来吃》！最期待的还是《长大》。白百合 很符合我心目中的萌萌 ^_^

《长大》 读后感

‘终于’ 把这本书看完了。

哈哈。这书其实不算长，但是故事情节比较慢热，而且也因为跟我以往所看过的书有蛮大的差距，所以刚开始读的时候挺费神的。起初因为跟不上也觉得情节一般而一度有弃书的念头。

然而，看到读者对它的极高评价，我坚持读下去。

幸好没弃书，这小说真的不是一般的好。

它的‘好’，不是因为它给我带来了幸福感，也不是因为它里面所描述的爱情有多么的浪漫感人…… 而是，这本小说，居然能让我觉得自己 “长大”  了。或许应该这么说，这本书，让我知道什么是 “长大” ，这名词背后所包含的各种意义和道理。

书里的每一位人物都让我有很深刻的感触。他们都是主角，有属于自己的故事。
他们起初是多么的单纯、天真。
可是，现实、残酷的生活不允许他们维持原有的纯真。现实的生活抹杀了他们曾经纯白的世界与思想。

其实，我也是个很天真的人。天真般无知的人。
我也一直以为，好人有好报。就算没好报，也至少不会被 ‘恩将仇报’。
呵~  这个世界，原来什么样的人都有。真的。我太无知了。

我也一直以为，努力就会成功。只要努力，就一定能完成自己的梦想。
原来不是的。
人生中有很多事情，是自己不论多么努力，也触摸不到的梦想。
梦想，毕竟只是梦想。
它只是个很美，很美的梦。
梦醒了，你就得回到现实，继续为生活努力。
或许这并不是你想要的，可是人生不可能事事让你称心如意、美梦成真。

我们唯一能做的，就是把自己做好。
做自己认为对的，应该做的。
努力、尽力地 做好自己。

“……她默默地，努力地做能做的事情，不回应任何的目光或者话。

做自己能做的。

为自己想做的，尽最大的努力。

尽管这努力的过程中，有时候痛到了麻木。然而在所有的痛和麻木中，她始终记得，自己想做什么。也只有记住这一点，才能一天天的过去。

……生活就是要这样挨过去吧？

无所谓开心，但是要坚强地走下去，不管那个尽头，它在哪里。”

-- 长大

“激动的时候，跑仿佛是种发泄，可以缓和想要大叫大喊与人争辩的情绪，寒风中几千米跑下来，愤怒已经泄了一半；沉郁的时候，迎风跑着，就好像是奋力将快将自己压趴的负担甩在后面的过程，跑到精疲力尽，一身大汗，去痛快地洗个澡，人便已经昏昏欲睡，醒了，又是另外一天；委屈想哭的时候，跑，是最好回收眼泪的法子，边跑边跟自己说，不哭，不哭，不能哭给别人看，不能软弱给别人看。

不愤怒，也不软弱，在任何人的面前，不让看重她的人失望，不让心疼她的人难过，不让反感她的人对她更增轻视，不让践踏了她的人，再摆足身段儿地讥诮地笑。”

-- 长大

“……不是被迫，不是妥协。好多时候，真的，大多数人觉得理想太不现实，就现实一些吧，可是也有人觉得，即使自己的理想终归是个梦想，也是要照着它走得更近一点。自己对自己的认同，比别人的称赞，认同，来得重要。”

-- 长大

“长大”…… 

是一个包含许许多多痛苦的过程。

没有悲伤，绝望，苦难，是不可能长大的。

想要瞬间长大，需要承受的真的不值一点点。

别人可以慢慢地，一点一点地消化，可是有些人就不那么幸运了。

是不是，一定要经历生老病死的经验，人才会猛然的领悟许多以前百思不解的道理？  

或许，面临了死亡后，会忽然觉得自己在生活上的某些执著是多么的天真，多么的微不足道。

“……好几次差点坚持不下去了。我就跟自己说，在多坚持一分钟。在多一分钟。结果，反正坚持好多一分钟，一分钟又一分钟，慢慢就行了。”

-- 长大

“上学的时候，老师就讲，爱心耐心是一回事，医生不能把自己当成病人家属，做医生有做医生的分工与角色，过于投入难免情绪化失去最理智客观的判断，无论于病人于自己，医生都该在情绪上，与病人保持一段距离，这一段距离，是保证一个医生的冷静判断的必要，也是终生做一个医生，无论是对自己，也是在更广的角度上给更多的人帮助的一个必须。”

-- 长大

热情。

少了热情做什么都事半功倍。

很辛苦。一味的努力，盲目的读书…… 

可是，这不就是人生吗？

人生有许多的无可奈何。必须做很多自己不愿意做的事。这就是生活。

我没有放弃梦想。只是要完成这个梦想，这条路必须比别人更辛苦，更漫长。

没有关系的，对吗？

一步一脚印，慢慢的往前走，总会到达目的地的。

加油吧！

今天，我居然和心理学的硕士生一起考试。

看到心理学教授和考生，我就在想，为什么我不是坐在那儿而是坐在这儿。

然后就不禁失落起来。

放弃的念头就更加的强烈起来。

这些天我不断的问自己，这真的是我想要的吗？真的是我向往的生活吗？

自己付出的努力到底值得吗？

还剩三门考试。

可是我已经筋疲力尽了。

到底该怎么继续…… 

1 down. 

4 more to go.

FOUR~!!!! x_x

好累。真的好累。
我真的好想好想放弃了。
这就是我要的生活吗？
是吗？

我已经不确定了…… 

因为这不是我的第一选择。

如果…… 如果我现在读的不是这专业，我还会被动摇吗？

如果…… 好多的如果…… 

谁能告诉我，我现在的努力到底值不值得。

我这么辛苦为的是什么？

我原来那么懦弱吗？

谁能来搬走我心里的大石头…… 
谁能来告诉我，我可以的。我一定可以做得到。
谁能来给我加加油，加点信心，让我有憧憬未来的勇气…… 
谁 …… 

我真的，快要不行了…… 
心里歇斯底里的呐喊着，可是没人听到，无人知晓。

我要勇敢。
我要自信。
我要成功。
我要证明给自己看，只要我想做到的我都能做得到。不论路途多么的漫长，途中多么的艰苦。我都能要紧牙关撑过去。

除了我自己，没人能打到我。
加油，朱倩怡。
你一定，一定可以做到的。

我今天也不晓得怎么了，突然心情很遭，老是有股想哭的冲动。

而且很粘很粘他。

恩，快撑不住了。

论文又拿了 low 80...

我的能耐难道就无法提升了？怎么努力都不行？

我现在最应该做的就是静下心来念书。考试阿…… 

这一个月的考试会把我彻底搞垮。

加油。

有时候我觉得，不论多么难过，生活多么苦涩，只要能在他怀里大哭一场，很多不好的情绪都会消失的…… 

You made me the happiest girl on Earth. 

Done with crying. 

Time to move on. 

You can be anything you wanna be.

心里空荡荡的。好似被掏空了般。

原因很简单…… 我的论文成绩不佳。

我知道。我了解。我明白。
人比人、比死人。
不论你觉得自己有多好，总会有人比你好。
你也不可能一直都处于成功、永远不败的状态。
可是还是忍不住难过。
真的，好难过。

哎~  可是我现在更担心的是自己会不及格。
那门课…… 不知道会不会挂。
大学那么多年，我都没担心过自己会挂课。可是这次…… 实在缺乏信心。
太难了。

老天爷，你一定得保佑我顺利晋升第二学期。

我从来没想过自己也会面临 ‘不及格’ 的可能性。

除了继续加油我还能够做些什么？

我真的有那么糟吗？

我真的笨到学不会吗？

无法想象，如果我挂科了的话我还会不会重读。
或许这真的不是我擅长的专业？

这是老天给我的启示吗？？

这个世界上真的什么人都有。

忘恩负义的。
过河拆桥的。

当你掏心掏肺的去对待和帮助别人的时候，你得到的又是什么？ 

我不求回报，并不代表我可以忍受冷言冷语。

你不帮我，没关系，但请不要伤害我。这是对我最起码的回报。

竟然被我遇到一个这样的人，我今年是不是犯了太岁？

哎~  希望这些经历把我的心练成金刚般不受外界伤害。

在风雨中成长，变得无比坚强。

加油。

做自己，问心无愧。

生命的价值不在于时间的长短，而是在于你在有限的时间里做了什么。

“愿望” 是你希望某事发生。
“信念” 是你希望它会发生。
而 “勇气” 就是让它发生。

好想哭。

我的坚强在哪里？

The Power of Knowledge.

你遇过的所有关卡，悲哀，忧愁，欢喜，会在未来丰富你的生命，在某一刻成为前进的力量。

坚持的过程中难免会累。
但是，只要知道自己最终的方向在哪里，那就不用揣测会有多少阻碍，也不用去惦记会不会石沉大海；
想想自己最终的信念，贯彻最后那句“敢于坚持” 吧！！！

【哈佛個人管理課】

一：沉穩
（1）不要隨便顯露你的情緒。
（2）不要逢人就訴說你的困難和遭遇。
（3）在徵詢別人的意見之前，自己先思考，但不要先講。
（4）不要一有機會就嘮叨你的不滿。
（5）重要的決定盡量有別人商量，最好隔一天再發布。
（6）講話不要有任何的慌張，走路也是。

二：細心
（1）對身邊發生的事情，常思考它們的因果關係。
（2）對做不到位的執行問題，要發掘它們的根本癥結。
（3）對習以為常的做事方法，要有改進或優化的建議。
（4）做什麼事情都要養成有條不紊和井然有序的習慣。
（5）經常去找幾個別人看不出來的毛病或弊端。
（6）自己要隨時隨地對有所不足的地方補位。

三：膽識
（1）不要常用缺乏自信的詞句
（2）不要常常反悔，輕易推翻已經決定的事。
（3）在眾人爭執不休時，不要沒有主見。
（4）整體氛圍低落時，你要樂觀、陽光。
（5）做任何事情都要用心，因為有人在看著你。
（6）事情不順的時候，歇口氣，重新尋找突破口，就結束也要乾淨利落。

四：大度
（1）不要刻意把有可能是夥伴的人變成對手。
（2）對別人的小過失、小錯誤不要斤斤計較。
（3）在金錢上要大方，學習三施（財施、法施、無畏施）
（4）不要有權力的傲慢和知識的偏見。
（5）任何成果和成就都應和別人分享。
（6）必須有人犧牲或奉獻的時候，自己走在前面。

五：誠信
（1）做不到的事情不要說，說了就努力做到。
（2）虛的口號或標語不要常掛嘴上。
（3）針對客戶提出的“不誠信”問題，拿出改善的方法。
（4）停止一切“不道德”的手段。
（5）耍弄小聰明，要不得！
（6）計算一下產品或服務的誠信代價，那就是品牌成本。

六：擔當
（1）檢討任何過失的時候，先從自身或自己人開始反省。
（2）事項結束後，先審查過錯，再列述功勞。
（3）認錯從上級開始，表功從下級啟動
（4）著手一個計劃，先將權責界定清楚，而且分配得當。
（5）對“怕事”的人或組織要挑明了說。

Back to square one. 

Not good enough.

Why did I put myself in an environment that requires constant competition with other people????

Is the world trying to tell me how mediocre I am in the academia? 

Yes. I think so.

After all these years, improvements were evident, but not enough.

And mind me, when I say "not good enough", I meant BELOW AVERAGE.

Cheers. Welcome to the real world.

今天的失败不代表明天会失败。

惟有拾起低落的心情向前走，比昨天的你更更努力，才有机会成功。

加油。

累。

彻底的累。

窒息。

这就是我现在的感觉。

I wanna be on top of things.

And I will be.

新的一天，新的开始。

但…… 依然被课业活埋…… 

唉~  这到底是为什么阿…… 

I'm screaming inside-out with vexation.

WHY DO I HAVE SO MUCH TO DO IN SUCH LITTLE TIME?

这学期的课业实在有点让我招架不住。

说真的，我快疯了。

如果care少点，就不会这样。

怠惰一下？OK？

我的一位朋友前两天开始谈恋爱了。

很为她感到高兴。

他们两个真的…… 在脸书上互相表达爱意，看得我都脸红了。

他们，就像两个情窦初开的高中生。而我，突然觉得自己好老哦…… 

像他们那样的感情，我是无法再体会了。

请不要误会，我的意思不是希望有男生追我，或是不满意现在的另一半。

而是，我觉得自己已经不再是那个年龄了。我经历过的，也已经够了。

如今过了那个人生阶段，我现在担心和烦恼的是我的将来，事业，家庭。

我不知道自己的能力有多少。可是，我希望最起码可以做到我的最低目标。然后一步一步地，朝我的另一个目标迈进。

我们每个人都加油吧！

"The greatest and most important problems in life are all in a certain sense insoluble. They can never be solved, but only outgrown."

- Carl Gustav Jung

梦想。

有的人自懂事以来就知道了。又有的人，入了大学才有所领悟。
可是有些人，可能一辈子也不知道自己的梦想是什么。没有梦想，没有目标。就这样，一天天的过着乏味的人生。

又或许，梦想其实是个奢侈品。
有多少人，为了生计而烦恼。没有钱，没有支柱，有梦想又怎样？

我迷茫了…… 
自己做的决定，不论对错，都怪不得任何人。自己无能，如此而已。

梦想好沉重。
好遥远。
好模糊。

已经没有回头路了。
为由一步一步地往前走。
不能停下来。
更不能后退。

要努力做一个，不嘲笑谁，也不羡慕谁。
阳光下灿烂，风雨中奔跑。
做自己的梦，走自己的路！

Need more nice people in this world.

"It does not matter how slow you go so long as you do not stop."

- Wisdom of Confucius

"Transforming the walls into doors."
"Changing obstacles into opportunities."

- Nick Vujicic

The Pursuit of Happiness.

Adam Vogel. 
He is now officially my IDOL!!!!! 
His academic background and his achievements in research are goals I set for myself to aim for. 

Speech Neuroscience.
This could potentially be a research area I'll enjoy undertaking?
Perhaps...
Perhaps...

Stay positive ^_^

Okay. So, this is officially the last week of my summer break.
As usual, I'm filled with ambivalence.
Angsty, apprehensive, excited, expectant, disconcerted, fearful... you name it.
Well it does sound like I'm experiencing more negative than positive emotions. Okay, perhaps it is.

Speech pathology is alien to me. I have not the slightest idea of what I will be studying, and Master's not a degree in which you can just shoot for a pass, and most definitely not something you can get it done and over with. It requires an enormous amount of effort, hard work, dedication, and passion; otherwise, how would you survive a hectic two-years of massive work load from coursework and clinical practice??? Hell NO.

I need an aim.
I need a goal.
I need motivation.
I need... a purpose.
A purpose in life.

I know. I really know. That I'm extremely lucky.
Lucky to have no monetary pressure.
Lucky to have a cheerful family.
Lucky to have a sweet boyfriend who loves and support me unconditionally. He only gives, rarely would he ask for anything in return.
I have a perfect environment to study it. Big room, big desk, big bed...
I have almost everything I need to be successful....
And recently I even got a job offer!!!
But unfortunately, I can't accept it due to my awful timetable and work load.

Oh God, I know you are up there looking down at me and assisting me in any way possible.
I am blissful and blessed by you.
And I know, anything and everything that occurs in my life is You guiding me to the appropriate path...

I am forever indebted to you. To my Family. To Him. And to Everyone who plays a part in my life.
Thank you.